Bringing it back slowly but surely......

Life is rich, life is rich if we live through it's experiences. So much to learn. If ignorance is bliss my love, I never would forget what I knew when I was young, man I know I can't hold onto April drops of rain, and then come what may, but it's hard to look, hard to look, away... -Carbon Leaf
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My sister has been making bookshelves (well putting them together), she does love her books. I thought about collections today and what one person finds worthy to collect another does not. I am sure that down the line, I am going to get rid of my extensive collection of Eeyore memorabilia and most of my Sleeping Beauty stuff (well, maybe the Sleeping Beauty stuff will stick around for a grand daughter or something), but other than that, I don't really collect a lot. I love keys, iron, black preferably, and I love silver jewelry, I love cuffs (jewelry again), and movies, oh I love me some movies... what does everyone else collect?
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David Gray at Hard Rock, Orlando was brilliant. he gave us 4 songs off of White Ladder (the big album) and so many other great songs from therest of his catalog. So lucky to have gotten such great seats. We thoroughly enjoyed the entire show!
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I boooked the October wedding this weekend. Mike and I will be covering it together - should be super fun. The bride is making it a Halloween party reception -as in everyone changes in to their costumes after the proper ceremony. The venue looks gorgeous and there will be a horse and carriage for the bride entrance. Looking forward to it. Business is looking good. Season is starting. I'm a happier kitten :)
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Work (at least this place...) is soul crushing and for now that is all I will say about that.
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In other news, have a brilliant brilliant new week.

Unthinkably good things can happen even late in the game. It's such a surprise.

This is the new book by Frances Mayes. You know her - she wrote Under a Tuscan Sun, the book the movie this woman, Diane Lane, was in - WELL.... I won a signed copy of the first edition of the new book "Every day in Tuscany". This is HUGE for me. Under The Tuscan Sun was a pivotal movie in my life and is still today, I love that movie, I love Diane Lane (some days I have the "what would Diane Lane do" moments and then act accordingly,) and I love Frances Mayes that she loves Tuscany, Diane Lane and writing lines like this: "Unthinkably good things can happen even late in the game. It's such a surprise." and books like these. Anyway, just made my happy day yesterday when I found out :)
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My friend from way back, Daniel Cole is doing this awesome project http://www.rockethub.com/projects/35-rockdoves-cool-music-for-kids-made-with-parents-in-mind -- I support him, if you want to I appreciate it and thank you on his behalf :)
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Talked to the officiating person of the Halloween wedding that I may be shooting. She just happens to be someone I work with, as does the bride. The wedding looks to be grand fun, because the bride and the groom aren't your "traditional" type of people, and the brides ideas for the reception/wedding are just so much fun, I hope it comes to fruition based on schedules, etc.
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Work is work - I made more in commissions today than I did in the last two weeks. Go figure...
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Tomorrow - maybe Tampa, maybe not, if not then most definitely another round of GBC'ng at the house, the filing cabinet o' death needs to be purged and maybe I'll take a stab at the Rubbermaid bucket of photos/neg/cd's of images that needs culling and uploading. Till then, y'all have a brilliant brilliant!

it JUST HAS TO BE

River Don, Kemnay, Aberdeenshire, Scotland - BikeonBye
Inspired by my friend http://notesfromthefrugaltrenches.com , I have to keep my eyes on the prize. The prize is a simpler life, I have responsibilities that need to be met, getting Chels through the 4 years of school to finish, and then... then is when it's supposed to start, but I can't assure myself it will start then unless I take the necessary steps now. I have the soundtrack of Braveheart in my head ALL THE TIME, I have images of Dunnottar -- On the coast near Dunnottar Mains, off the A92, about two miles south of Stonehaven, flipping through like one of those viewmaster reels we had when we were children, memories of seeing the painting at the museum in Endinburgh of The Bruce at Bannockburn and the tears that welled in my eyes because I was so moved, my heart calls to be elsewhere. It doesn't have to be Scotland, it doesn't have to be now, it JUST HAS TO BE. So that said, I have to set up goals. I going to rough draft them tonight and I'll post tomorrow as if I put it in writing it tends to happen more often than not.
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The other day I said wanted to be able to leave Chelsea and my grands, if I have any, some $ to use as they needed after I was gone. Charity came to mind as well, and I thought of who/what I would leave to causes I believe in, etc. I sorted it out a bit: 1)Give a monthly donation to shelters that provide safe havens for women & children who are the victims of abuse, 2)Give an incoming freshman coming from a single family home a yearly scholarship to a woman who is seeking higher education at Florida Southern in Chelsea's name, 3)Give to Cancer research and 4)Give to Parkinson's research. That's what I have as of now. I know it's not a global give, I have a tendency to worry about those closer to home than in Africa or Haiti, I know it probably makes me look a bad person, but I'm truly not, I just think that if we can't make sure our own children in the Appalachia's, etc. are getting food/education/shelter everyday, how can we be expected to make sure those in Africa are?
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I have taken time off this past month from work which has affected my commissions, which in turn has affected my paycheck. I get my standard wages, that's no problem, had vacay time banked, had sick time, when needed, still have a few days of them left, but during this time off I noticed time and time again, that I found myself saying, "this is how it should be" I can get work done in the morning and then have the day to do things I want to do. Slowly but surely, the shift bid helped in that, I am seeing light still at the end of the day. I'm in no position for the next three years to move physically, so I must move/shift things mentally, emotionally till then.
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Working on the GBC at the house is helping, I'm finding the disdain I felt a few months ago of being a renter of a house (I'm used to having people take care of mundane things like the yardwork, appliances breaking down, plumbing problems, roof issues, and getting them sorted out quickly.) dissipate. Even moreso now that I am looking to paint the bedroom the colors that I want, new bookshelves have been bought for the front room, and we are eyeing that entertainment console, who knows, it may start looking like I want soon.
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Off to work on the table of doom (the white farmhouse table that has taken over my bedroom) - I swear it will be done by this time tomorrow. Till then - have a brilliant brilliant.

Bids, Trimming the fat, LCL Photography and the GBC

Got my shift bid results in. Starting May 1st, I work Sat-Sun 7:30-5:30, Monday 7:30-11:30am, Tues- Weds - OFF, Friday 7:30-5:30. Still no weekends off, but I get out before it gets dark, so that's a redeeming feature. Anyway, it will just have to do until my plans come to fruition, I am hopeful that will be sooner rather than later and the steps I am taking are only helping to expedite that. In the meantime, a girl has to make her cents somehow...
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Through her foundation, Cyndi Lauper is creating the first permanent shelter in New York City for homeless gay teens and young adults. The True Colors Residence is set to open next year in Harlem. That makes me happy.
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Maintained my weight loss - next weigh in is in about a week, so we'll see where we are there. I am planning on buying a set of vintage keys I have had my eye on for a while now once I hit the 20 pund mark (only 6 more to go).
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Went through the photo session ideas I have for the coming year and am chomping at the bit to get started. Started looking at sites as well that I will be using. I have plenty of locations and settings to use, but wanted to some new ones. Also today the firemen were out doing their big "change in the boot" fundraisers and that reminded me of the sessions with emt's and firefighters that I still have to do and that got me even more excited for the coming months. LCL Photography is going to have a busy summer regardless of what the present DAYJOB (which is the nice word for what I want to call it) has in store.
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GBC is going well, unloaded a whole mess of books and some dvd's for L to donate to the library, I cleaned out the bedroom closet, got rid of almost all vestages of a prevoius relationship that really needed to be thrown out, all that's left to do with the closet is go through the huge rubbermaid container that is holding 1000's and I do mean 1000's of images, negatives, printed photos etc and get them on the external hard drive so I can get rid of the actuals. I'll keep the negs in a case just for safe keeping, in case a subject wants copies but only for a limited time. Next GBC project is the desk in the bedroom. It is a white farmhouse table, not entirely made of wood, but I love it, and I'll use it till it decides to not let me. It is covered in "things that I need to look at/do something with etc.", so that is tonight's project. L and I saw a entertainment console we both liked that will compliment the china closet I already own and is deep enough to fit the current tv we own as well as the new one we are thinking about in the future, so that's a plus.
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Till tomorrow- have a brilliant brilliant.

Happy Tartan Day! Leaving a Legacy

Happy Tartan Day! The Tartan pictured is The Clan Keith antique tartan which sometimes is also referred to as Keith Austin tartan - a shared one. I, myself am not Scottish, but my ex mother in law was 100% and that makes my darling daughter a 1/4, so I celebrate all things Scottish. The fact that I LOVE SCOTLAND may have something more to do with it.
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The majority of my day is spent sitting. I lead a sednetary lifestyle and as such I have what I call a spread of an ass. My ass is not the problem, it's my tummy. The majority of the weight loss journey goal would be to feel better and see a lower pants size because of it. Most of my blogger friends are on some kind of program or are making small changes themselves to lose some weight. I read about weight loss, I can walk on the treadmill at an incline and go for a long time, I can lose 15 pounds and my face looks slimmer, my waist is slimmer, but nothing gets rid of this tummy. It's frustrating. Any ideas would be helpful.
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http://unclutterer.com/ is one of my fave new sites (well new to me).. I'm going to have a look at the book next time we're at the bookstore and maybe buy it, but I love this site!
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A very rich person should leave his kids enough to do anything, but not enough to do nothing.” – Warren Buffett -- I love that quote. As a single mom, who at the most affluent of times only made $38,000 a year, have always wondered how I would be able to leave Chelsea an inheiratance, and have some to give to my grands. I have always maintained a "YES" answer to almost everything she has asked for - experiences especially, and I want to be able to continue to do that and let her do/have everything I did and more that a two parent family would be able to afford and do. I also want to be able to buy my grands their first cars and help with their college education etc. I still have no idea of how I am going to do it and I'm not getting any younger, but it has to start somehow and sometime. Her college tuition is 35,000 a year, and although for this last year, it has been subsidized a great deal by her grants, scholarships etc, her sophmore year that starts in August, I am going to have to pay more than I did this year. Do I wait till she's out of school to start planning an estate, do I put away $5.00 every paycheck, again, any ideas would be helpful if you have them.
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Tonight we pick up my mother from the airport (she's been in VA visiting my father who is there for work till mid May) it'll be nice to have her back, but it's been nice just L and me here as well. I took off yesterday because I wasn't feeling well and now have the next 6 days off (I go back to work on Monday) to look at situations and make plans accordingly. Thursday I find out what my new shift will be starting May, which in turn will give me Fri- Sun to decided what my next move is. That is what it's about - moving forward.
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Have a brilliant brilliant.

purpose, paling in shadows.

Another day goes by at the day job and it finds us closer to our shift bid. There are not that many "good bids" to go around and obviously seniority and adherence and production and sales all account for where one stands in the bid process. My bid happens on a day I'm not scheduled in, so I have to call my requests in, they will get accepted or denied. I will still not know what my schedule for the next 6 months is until another two days after the bid. Kind of hard to make any concrete plans when your life is being controlled by others time frames. It's hard to look ahead. That added to the fact that I am just spent when I get home doesn't help the day job cause. I know I should be grateful for the job, I know the unemployment rate in Fl is 10%, I know these things, it doesn't change the fact that I am not being true to myself there. Needs must. I stay until I can't take it anymore or what I would like to happen happens. (Working on that now.) Live your life with purpose. I been trying to live that, and it's not happening here. I've never been so tired, I think. I am running on empty, but by God, don't I hide it well...
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I never feel tired when I am behind the camera. Hot and sweaty sometimes, (Fl heat in summer - yeah,not a fan, but tired? No. The exhaustion doesn't hit me till the end when I am back to the editing desk. The adrenaline pumping through me subsides. Most of my sessions are 5-6 hours, I try and get the light and the feel of the shoot and run with it till I feel that neither the subject, the day/night or I hasn't anything else to give creatively. Some shoots take only 1-2 hours, the feeling is still the same. When I am photographing people and am in the groove, my heart feels like it will burst, my grin is so wide my cheeks hurt, the Lou face as its widely known. Smiling out loud almost. The exhaustion I feel when I am not doing what I love is staggering. To the point that my feet are like lead bricks and my mind so unfocused even the desire for the act of doing even the most exciting part of a mundane day wanes to a trickle. There is no smiling and to tell you the truth, my heart couldn't give a rat's ass. I don't discount a hard day's work. I don't think that a 9-5 for me is undoable, been there, done that a bunch of times. I do think a 9-5 here (well -- there) where I am is undoable.
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the point is to just keep moving, and to just say yes to life.

I don't know. But it's exhilarating and terrifying. I think the point is to just keep moving, and to just say yes to life." - This is what Susan Sarandon had to say about life after ending her long term relationship with Tim Robbins. This is what I agree to. Not just about relationships but the next step after a big change. In my case, it is a mixture of changes in various areas of my life. But she's right. Exhilarating and terrifying are fantastic words to describe this feeling.
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The Library today. Haven't been in yonks. Our local library is so small in comparison to the one I had when I was a teenager in MD, two stories tall, one side of the top floor dedicated childrens library, the other side, you had to be a teenager to go on, or very very quiet and with your parent(s). Many a Saturday morning and afternoon was spent there after Saturday am chores were done, my dad would drop me off and I would spend hours soaking up various and sundry books, magazines, etc. I read a book about Colette the writer that at the time I thought was shocking, books on how to do stuff like investing, painting your trimwork, organizing, photography books, for "when I'm older". I ended up getting a Don Aslett book on organizing office space (which believe me kittens, I need OMG - my desk alone takes up half my bedroom square footage) and some other organizing book and Kathleen Turner's Autobiography. Love her - a broad in the truest sense, much like Sarandon, my grandmother Eula and oh, yeah, me. :)
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Everyone I read is talking about Easter - my family doesn't really do the whole celebrating that anymore. I don't know why, this particular time it's because both my parents are in VA (my mom went up for a long weekend to see my dad), my daughter is in Lakeland, L and I are here, so scattered I suppose, and the fact that I don't care for Ham or Turkey and the trimmings and such, it's not a big loss for me. I don't disagree that having family around would be nice, but I'll live.
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Pearl Jam has donated $210,000 to plant 33 acres worth of trees to offset the carbon emissions of its 2009 tour. The Cascade Land Conservancy will plant the trees and native plants in the Puget Sound area. -- That makes me happy, but you know what I'm thinking there are PEOPLE in Puget Sound area that could have used that $210,000 for food and shelter. I'm just saying....
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Still working slowly but surely on GBC, and getting rid of things. You'd be surprised the stuff that I'm wary of letting go, but then some stuff people might think I would keep is actually stuff I had NO qualms whatsoever getting rid of. Strange. As far as the fit stuff is concerned, I have lost a total of 14 pounds, am still working on that, next weigh in is next week, haven't been exercising - fail, intake has been craptastic, because I haven't taken the time to make my self stuff, that has to change toot sweet. The DD is well, summer for her starts end of April, so we'll see if she's going to stay up at Uni to work or come home and find some work here to occupy her time till Fall Semester. That pretty much sums it up. Be back soon, till then have a brilliant brilliant.