it JUST HAS TO BE

River Don, Kemnay, Aberdeenshire, Scotland - BikeonBye
Inspired by my friend http://notesfromthefrugaltrenches.com , I have to keep my eyes on the prize. The prize is a simpler life, I have responsibilities that need to be met, getting Chels through the 4 years of school to finish, and then... then is when it's supposed to start, but I can't assure myself it will start then unless I take the necessary steps now. I have the soundtrack of Braveheart in my head ALL THE TIME, I have images of Dunnottar -- On the coast near Dunnottar Mains, off the A92, about two miles south of Stonehaven, flipping through like one of those viewmaster reels we had when we were children, memories of seeing the painting at the museum in Endinburgh of The Bruce at Bannockburn and the tears that welled in my eyes because I was so moved, my heart calls to be elsewhere. It doesn't have to be Scotland, it doesn't have to be now, it JUST HAS TO BE. So that said, I have to set up goals. I going to rough draft them tonight and I'll post tomorrow as if I put it in writing it tends to happen more often than not.
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The other day I said wanted to be able to leave Chelsea and my grands, if I have any, some $ to use as they needed after I was gone. Charity came to mind as well, and I thought of who/what I would leave to causes I believe in, etc. I sorted it out a bit: 1)Give a monthly donation to shelters that provide safe havens for women & children who are the victims of abuse, 2)Give an incoming freshman coming from a single family home a yearly scholarship to a woman who is seeking higher education at Florida Southern in Chelsea's name, 3)Give to Cancer research and 4)Give to Parkinson's research. That's what I have as of now. I know it's not a global give, I have a tendency to worry about those closer to home than in Africa or Haiti, I know it probably makes me look a bad person, but I'm truly not, I just think that if we can't make sure our own children in the Appalachia's, etc. are getting food/education/shelter everyday, how can we be expected to make sure those in Africa are?
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I have taken time off this past month from work which has affected my commissions, which in turn has affected my paycheck. I get my standard wages, that's no problem, had vacay time banked, had sick time, when needed, still have a few days of them left, but during this time off I noticed time and time again, that I found myself saying, "this is how it should be" I can get work done in the morning and then have the day to do things I want to do. Slowly but surely, the shift bid helped in that, I am seeing light still at the end of the day. I'm in no position for the next three years to move physically, so I must move/shift things mentally, emotionally till then.
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Working on the GBC at the house is helping, I'm finding the disdain I felt a few months ago of being a renter of a house (I'm used to having people take care of mundane things like the yardwork, appliances breaking down, plumbing problems, roof issues, and getting them sorted out quickly.) dissipate. Even moreso now that I am looking to paint the bedroom the colors that I want, new bookshelves have been bought for the front room, and we are eyeing that entertainment console, who knows, it may start looking like I want soon.
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Off to work on the table of doom (the white farmhouse table that has taken over my bedroom) - I swear it will be done by this time tomorrow. Till then - have a brilliant brilliant.

More Portraiture, Weighty Issues, Moving, Employment

Top to bottom, Left to right - Josh Wilson, Brian Wood, Chris and a photo of me that was taken by Jan Gay. I was 21, almost 22 at that time. I would like to think that besides the weight, I haven't changed that much. The hair colors have changed over the years, the cut, but for the most part I'm the same. I started on Weight Watchers again today. I was at my heaviest about 3 months ago, I have since lost weight, but feel I need a kick start and points have always worked before so I thought why mess with a good thing. To be honest. I don't want or need to weigh 132, which is what I was in that photo, but I'd like to resemble myself a little more than I do now. So, as I go on, I will post what I've lost or gained once a week, here's to getting back to me :)

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I love black and white photography best. Now that I am digital, thank you Chris, I can just shoot in black and white or color and make changes from there. But I do love the starkness of it, the details seem to shine through more. I love the details.
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Last night, I moved back into my house. I'd been spending the last week at my parent's house. My sister is house sitting for them while they are on assignment in Virginia. It was nice to go grocery shopping and come home and clean house and get laundry done. A break from the day to day and same surroundings is good, but I did miss the house, much to my surprise. I had planned on moving out within a year of me getting another job as I just didn't feel like it was MINE, I share it with my sister when she isn't house sitting my parent's home, and although neither her or my stuff is all encompassing the space, it isn't mine. Plans that I thought were progressing nicely and towards this turned out not to be so full of progress, so I am still thinking on the move, but with different requirements this time, not as worried about how many bedrooms, location, etc as before. This also gives me more time to really get the place I want. I saw two locations today, haven't checked them out, but come closer to time, I will.

Have an interview tomorrow with a nationally known cable company, if it is successful I will be in training for 4-6 weeks(paid) and then the actual job starts. Free Cable, Internet and really low cost telephone service as well your standard medical/dental, vision, 401K, STD, LTD are inclusive in the benefits, so this, for all intensive purposes is the perfect job for me. Low stress, the hours are a little wonky, at the very worst I'd get the 3-11 shift, which for me isn't hard, because I'm up that late anyway, might as well be earning money while I'm up. I have two other positions that I applied for recently that have asked me to continue in the application process, so here's faith that something great will come out of all those. I'll let you know.