whisper to a scream

The other night on the drive home, radio station played its "Friday night 80's stuff, asked for requests, ever hopeful I asked for Dramarama - Anything Anything or Last Cigarette, completely not expecting to get what I wanted, and indeed, dj did not have... hang the dj.... oh wait, that's a whole 'nother song....ANYWAY - he did play "Whisper to a Scream" by Icicle Works. That made me very happy, think about it when is the last time you heard that song... and of course, now I'm like this is why I need an IPOD, all these old songs that I keep hearing, and don't have in my collection. I am probably the only one friend you have that doesn't have an IPOD. My L and other friends always just make me mix cd's of things they think I'd like. Should I get an Ipod? I do LOVE my music. Thoughts?
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Work keeps making me change my password every two or 3 months, and I'm not allowed to use any of my past ten passwords. Screwed, because I sit there attempting a bajillion times to log on using last time's password. This is Lou's and JWW's fault. :)
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Had dinner with chicklet last night, she moves into summer dorms today, summer classes start on Monday and financial aid awards haven't hit her account yet, so of course I'm still on edge. I hate not knowing what my bottom line is on things. I'm all about the numbers - can handle anything as long as I know what it is I'm supposed to be looking at bottom line wise, but until that award hits, I have no idea what to budget for. Hate that. On a good note, her manager at the new job likes her and he is happy with her progress. She still has the on-site campus daycare job that she is probably still going to do in June on top of the Panera job and her one class a month. Busy girl, but that will help her with some spending money :)
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Looking forward to going to South Carolina end of May to see a friend, Matt MacKelcan play a show with Carbon Leaf. I stopped promoting and help book bands ages ago as it was just taking too much out of me, what with dayjob, the photography, and family life. It was fun and I enjoyed helping musician friends do their thing, but it was just too much at once. I still support local music and always will, I just can't be physically there as often as I'd like. Priorities change, but it doesn't mean you like people less or don't support their efforts as much, I wish more people understood that.
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Did my hair on Wednesday, am pleased with it, no pics up this time, because I was just plain lazy.
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My Netflix queue has exploded, mainly due to the fact that I have tried to find all of Norman Reedus' main work. he has some off the wall indie stuff that I am sure is out there, but NF hasn't picked up yet - but also am interested in his directorial efforts - go to www.bigbaldhead.com if you're interested in either Norman or his films/directorial efforts.
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EXPLAIN this to me someone? PLEASE? Where is the beauty in these god awful ugly shoes and those like them and why do you continue to pay the ridiculous house payments to own them? Thank you.
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for those other Norm and Sean/ Murphy and Connor/BDS fans out there

THIS? makes me laugh!
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Going to see "Babies" this next week, I think I also want to see Iron Man, but only for Downey Jr and Sam Rockwell, I love Rockwell - I recommend everything he has ever been in but especially this last film Chelsea and I saw together with him in "Moon", it's good stuff. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1182345/
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I wanna hold your hand...

There are days, and mind you, they don't happen often, but there are days that I miss being up north. Miss the first snow, the fireplace, the wind, the crunch of the Fall leaves under my boots. We had NOAH rain the other night and it was intense and it just reminded me how nice it was to be a fireplace owenr. I live in Florida now where the need for a fireplace is NIL. So, yes, missing the Fall in MD a bit. Come on Fall...
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http://www.etsy.com/shop/yasminemol is a shop I will be spending money at in the future. I am interested in getting Chel's picture done. We already have a charcoal of her when she was young and I'd like one now as a comparison shot to put side by side. I think Yasmine's fab!
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http://www.theworkingproof.com/user/page?dv=1&page_name=index.html -- also a great organization and will be getting both my money and my work as well.
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Took my car in for the recall notice on the cracked fuel pump and indeed, I had one, $42.00 later (filled up gas tank) and we were on our way. It's a good thing it was covered because Lord knows I didn't have $800 just lying around to get it fixed.
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Found out I won a signed Tampa Bay Bucs jersey. Apparantly signed by a major player Rhonde Barber, a co worker asked to buy it off me. The funny thing is... I don't even like football all that much - I do watch some but not like baseball. Giving it to my father for one of his Christmas pressies.
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Had lunch with the chicklet the other day, it was nice as always, she held my hand as we were crossing streets. I tell you this because she NEVER and I do mean never, holds my hand. She'll hold my mother's, my sister's, sometimes even my dad's but she doesn't ever hold mine. My heart almost exploded when she did it. I literally do not know of a mother and daughter who are closer than we are, but that's just something she stopped doing with me when she was about 9.
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Really this is just here because I hadn't posted any photography really in a while. I am hoping to have some portraiture shoots in the next month, we'll see, but in the mean, I love that shot of Josh Wilson.
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FREE Comic Book Day: Saturday, May 1st, you can snag a FREE Comic Book at participating comic book shops across North America and around the world; be sure to check with your local shop for their participation and rules.
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Bringing it back slowly but surely......

Life is rich, life is rich if we live through it's experiences. So much to learn. If ignorance is bliss my love, I never would forget what I knew when I was young, man I know I can't hold onto April drops of rain, and then come what may, but it's hard to look, hard to look, away... -Carbon Leaf
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My sister has been making bookshelves (well putting them together), she does love her books. I thought about collections today and what one person finds worthy to collect another does not. I am sure that down the line, I am going to get rid of my extensive collection of Eeyore memorabilia and most of my Sleeping Beauty stuff (well, maybe the Sleeping Beauty stuff will stick around for a grand daughter or something), but other than that, I don't really collect a lot. I love keys, iron, black preferably, and I love silver jewelry, I love cuffs (jewelry again), and movies, oh I love me some movies... what does everyone else collect?
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David Gray at Hard Rock, Orlando was brilliant. he gave us 4 songs off of White Ladder (the big album) and so many other great songs from therest of his catalog. So lucky to have gotten such great seats. We thoroughly enjoyed the entire show!
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I boooked the October wedding this weekend. Mike and I will be covering it together - should be super fun. The bride is making it a Halloween party reception -as in everyone changes in to their costumes after the proper ceremony. The venue looks gorgeous and there will be a horse and carriage for the bride entrance. Looking forward to it. Business is looking good. Season is starting. I'm a happier kitten :)
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Work (at least this place...) is soul crushing and for now that is all I will say about that.
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In other news, have a brilliant brilliant new week.

Unthinkably good things can happen even late in the game. It's such a surprise.

This is the new book by Frances Mayes. You know her - she wrote Under a Tuscan Sun, the book the movie this woman, Diane Lane, was in - WELL.... I won a signed copy of the first edition of the new book "Every day in Tuscany". This is HUGE for me. Under The Tuscan Sun was a pivotal movie in my life and is still today, I love that movie, I love Diane Lane (some days I have the "what would Diane Lane do" moments and then act accordingly,) and I love Frances Mayes that she loves Tuscany, Diane Lane and writing lines like this: "Unthinkably good things can happen even late in the game. It's such a surprise." and books like these. Anyway, just made my happy day yesterday when I found out :)
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My friend from way back, Daniel Cole is doing this awesome project http://www.rockethub.com/projects/35-rockdoves-cool-music-for-kids-made-with-parents-in-mind -- I support him, if you want to I appreciate it and thank you on his behalf :)
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Talked to the officiating person of the Halloween wedding that I may be shooting. She just happens to be someone I work with, as does the bride. The wedding looks to be grand fun, because the bride and the groom aren't your "traditional" type of people, and the brides ideas for the reception/wedding are just so much fun, I hope it comes to fruition based on schedules, etc.
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Work is work - I made more in commissions today than I did in the last two weeks. Go figure...
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Tomorrow - maybe Tampa, maybe not, if not then most definitely another round of GBC'ng at the house, the filing cabinet o' death needs to be purged and maybe I'll take a stab at the Rubbermaid bucket of photos/neg/cd's of images that needs culling and uploading. Till then, y'all have a brilliant brilliant!

it JUST HAS TO BE

River Don, Kemnay, Aberdeenshire, Scotland - BikeonBye
Inspired by my friend http://notesfromthefrugaltrenches.com , I have to keep my eyes on the prize. The prize is a simpler life, I have responsibilities that need to be met, getting Chels through the 4 years of school to finish, and then... then is when it's supposed to start, but I can't assure myself it will start then unless I take the necessary steps now. I have the soundtrack of Braveheart in my head ALL THE TIME, I have images of Dunnottar -- On the coast near Dunnottar Mains, off the A92, about two miles south of Stonehaven, flipping through like one of those viewmaster reels we had when we were children, memories of seeing the painting at the museum in Endinburgh of The Bruce at Bannockburn and the tears that welled in my eyes because I was so moved, my heart calls to be elsewhere. It doesn't have to be Scotland, it doesn't have to be now, it JUST HAS TO BE. So that said, I have to set up goals. I going to rough draft them tonight and I'll post tomorrow as if I put it in writing it tends to happen more often than not.
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The other day I said wanted to be able to leave Chelsea and my grands, if I have any, some $ to use as they needed after I was gone. Charity came to mind as well, and I thought of who/what I would leave to causes I believe in, etc. I sorted it out a bit: 1)Give a monthly donation to shelters that provide safe havens for women & children who are the victims of abuse, 2)Give an incoming freshman coming from a single family home a yearly scholarship to a woman who is seeking higher education at Florida Southern in Chelsea's name, 3)Give to Cancer research and 4)Give to Parkinson's research. That's what I have as of now. I know it's not a global give, I have a tendency to worry about those closer to home than in Africa or Haiti, I know it probably makes me look a bad person, but I'm truly not, I just think that if we can't make sure our own children in the Appalachia's, etc. are getting food/education/shelter everyday, how can we be expected to make sure those in Africa are?
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I have taken time off this past month from work which has affected my commissions, which in turn has affected my paycheck. I get my standard wages, that's no problem, had vacay time banked, had sick time, when needed, still have a few days of them left, but during this time off I noticed time and time again, that I found myself saying, "this is how it should be" I can get work done in the morning and then have the day to do things I want to do. Slowly but surely, the shift bid helped in that, I am seeing light still at the end of the day. I'm in no position for the next three years to move physically, so I must move/shift things mentally, emotionally till then.
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Working on the GBC at the house is helping, I'm finding the disdain I felt a few months ago of being a renter of a house (I'm used to having people take care of mundane things like the yardwork, appliances breaking down, plumbing problems, roof issues, and getting them sorted out quickly.) dissipate. Even moreso now that I am looking to paint the bedroom the colors that I want, new bookshelves have been bought for the front room, and we are eyeing that entertainment console, who knows, it may start looking like I want soon.
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Off to work on the table of doom (the white farmhouse table that has taken over my bedroom) - I swear it will be done by this time tomorrow. Till then - have a brilliant brilliant.

Bids, Trimming the fat, LCL Photography and the GBC

Got my shift bid results in. Starting May 1st, I work Sat-Sun 7:30-5:30, Monday 7:30-11:30am, Tues- Weds - OFF, Friday 7:30-5:30. Still no weekends off, but I get out before it gets dark, so that's a redeeming feature. Anyway, it will just have to do until my plans come to fruition, I am hopeful that will be sooner rather than later and the steps I am taking are only helping to expedite that. In the meantime, a girl has to make her cents somehow...
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Through her foundation, Cyndi Lauper is creating the first permanent shelter in New York City for homeless gay teens and young adults. The True Colors Residence is set to open next year in Harlem. That makes me happy.
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Maintained my weight loss - next weigh in is in about a week, so we'll see where we are there. I am planning on buying a set of vintage keys I have had my eye on for a while now once I hit the 20 pund mark (only 6 more to go).
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Went through the photo session ideas I have for the coming year and am chomping at the bit to get started. Started looking at sites as well that I will be using. I have plenty of locations and settings to use, but wanted to some new ones. Also today the firemen were out doing their big "change in the boot" fundraisers and that reminded me of the sessions with emt's and firefighters that I still have to do and that got me even more excited for the coming months. LCL Photography is going to have a busy summer regardless of what the present DAYJOB (which is the nice word for what I want to call it) has in store.
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GBC is going well, unloaded a whole mess of books and some dvd's for L to donate to the library, I cleaned out the bedroom closet, got rid of almost all vestages of a prevoius relationship that really needed to be thrown out, all that's left to do with the closet is go through the huge rubbermaid container that is holding 1000's and I do mean 1000's of images, negatives, printed photos etc and get them on the external hard drive so I can get rid of the actuals. I'll keep the negs in a case just for safe keeping, in case a subject wants copies but only for a limited time. Next GBC project is the desk in the bedroom. It is a white farmhouse table, not entirely made of wood, but I love it, and I'll use it till it decides to not let me. It is covered in "things that I need to look at/do something with etc.", so that is tonight's project. L and I saw a entertainment console we both liked that will compliment the china closet I already own and is deep enough to fit the current tv we own as well as the new one we are thinking about in the future, so that's a plus.
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Till tomorrow- have a brilliant brilliant.

Happy Tartan Day! Leaving a Legacy

Happy Tartan Day! The Tartan pictured is The Clan Keith antique tartan which sometimes is also referred to as Keith Austin tartan - a shared one. I, myself am not Scottish, but my ex mother in law was 100% and that makes my darling daughter a 1/4, so I celebrate all things Scottish. The fact that I LOVE SCOTLAND may have something more to do with it.
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The majority of my day is spent sitting. I lead a sednetary lifestyle and as such I have what I call a spread of an ass. My ass is not the problem, it's my tummy. The majority of the weight loss journey goal would be to feel better and see a lower pants size because of it. Most of my blogger friends are on some kind of program or are making small changes themselves to lose some weight. I read about weight loss, I can walk on the treadmill at an incline and go for a long time, I can lose 15 pounds and my face looks slimmer, my waist is slimmer, but nothing gets rid of this tummy. It's frustrating. Any ideas would be helpful.
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http://unclutterer.com/ is one of my fave new sites (well new to me).. I'm going to have a look at the book next time we're at the bookstore and maybe buy it, but I love this site!
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A very rich person should leave his kids enough to do anything, but not enough to do nothing.” – Warren Buffett -- I love that quote. As a single mom, who at the most affluent of times only made $38,000 a year, have always wondered how I would be able to leave Chelsea an inheiratance, and have some to give to my grands. I have always maintained a "YES" answer to almost everything she has asked for - experiences especially, and I want to be able to continue to do that and let her do/have everything I did and more that a two parent family would be able to afford and do. I also want to be able to buy my grands their first cars and help with their college education etc. I still have no idea of how I am going to do it and I'm not getting any younger, but it has to start somehow and sometime. Her college tuition is 35,000 a year, and although for this last year, it has been subsidized a great deal by her grants, scholarships etc, her sophmore year that starts in August, I am going to have to pay more than I did this year. Do I wait till she's out of school to start planning an estate, do I put away $5.00 every paycheck, again, any ideas would be helpful if you have them.
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Tonight we pick up my mother from the airport (she's been in VA visiting my father who is there for work till mid May) it'll be nice to have her back, but it's been nice just L and me here as well. I took off yesterday because I wasn't feeling well and now have the next 6 days off (I go back to work on Monday) to look at situations and make plans accordingly. Thursday I find out what my new shift will be starting May, which in turn will give me Fri- Sun to decided what my next move is. That is what it's about - moving forward.
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Have a brilliant brilliant.

purpose, paling in shadows.

Another day goes by at the day job and it finds us closer to our shift bid. There are not that many "good bids" to go around and obviously seniority and adherence and production and sales all account for where one stands in the bid process. My bid happens on a day I'm not scheduled in, so I have to call my requests in, they will get accepted or denied. I will still not know what my schedule for the next 6 months is until another two days after the bid. Kind of hard to make any concrete plans when your life is being controlled by others time frames. It's hard to look ahead. That added to the fact that I am just spent when I get home doesn't help the day job cause. I know I should be grateful for the job, I know the unemployment rate in Fl is 10%, I know these things, it doesn't change the fact that I am not being true to myself there. Needs must. I stay until I can't take it anymore or what I would like to happen happens. (Working on that now.) Live your life with purpose. I been trying to live that, and it's not happening here. I've never been so tired, I think. I am running on empty, but by God, don't I hide it well...
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I never feel tired when I am behind the camera. Hot and sweaty sometimes, (Fl heat in summer - yeah,not a fan, but tired? No. The exhaustion doesn't hit me till the end when I am back to the editing desk. The adrenaline pumping through me subsides. Most of my sessions are 5-6 hours, I try and get the light and the feel of the shoot and run with it till I feel that neither the subject, the day/night or I hasn't anything else to give creatively. Some shoots take only 1-2 hours, the feeling is still the same. When I am photographing people and am in the groove, my heart feels like it will burst, my grin is so wide my cheeks hurt, the Lou face as its widely known. Smiling out loud almost. The exhaustion I feel when I am not doing what I love is staggering. To the point that my feet are like lead bricks and my mind so unfocused even the desire for the act of doing even the most exciting part of a mundane day wanes to a trickle. There is no smiling and to tell you the truth, my heart couldn't give a rat's ass. I don't discount a hard day's work. I don't think that a 9-5 for me is undoable, been there, done that a bunch of times. I do think a 9-5 here (well -- there) where I am is undoable.
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the point is to just keep moving, and to just say yes to life.

I don't know. But it's exhilarating and terrifying. I think the point is to just keep moving, and to just say yes to life." - This is what Susan Sarandon had to say about life after ending her long term relationship with Tim Robbins. This is what I agree to. Not just about relationships but the next step after a big change. In my case, it is a mixture of changes in various areas of my life. But she's right. Exhilarating and terrifying are fantastic words to describe this feeling.
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The Library today. Haven't been in yonks. Our local library is so small in comparison to the one I had when I was a teenager in MD, two stories tall, one side of the top floor dedicated childrens library, the other side, you had to be a teenager to go on, or very very quiet and with your parent(s). Many a Saturday morning and afternoon was spent there after Saturday am chores were done, my dad would drop me off and I would spend hours soaking up various and sundry books, magazines, etc. I read a book about Colette the writer that at the time I thought was shocking, books on how to do stuff like investing, painting your trimwork, organizing, photography books, for "when I'm older". I ended up getting a Don Aslett book on organizing office space (which believe me kittens, I need OMG - my desk alone takes up half my bedroom square footage) and some other organizing book and Kathleen Turner's Autobiography. Love her - a broad in the truest sense, much like Sarandon, my grandmother Eula and oh, yeah, me. :)
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Everyone I read is talking about Easter - my family doesn't really do the whole celebrating that anymore. I don't know why, this particular time it's because both my parents are in VA (my mom went up for a long weekend to see my dad), my daughter is in Lakeland, L and I are here, so scattered I suppose, and the fact that I don't care for Ham or Turkey and the trimmings and such, it's not a big loss for me. I don't disagree that having family around would be nice, but I'll live.
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Pearl Jam has donated $210,000 to plant 33 acres worth of trees to offset the carbon emissions of its 2009 tour. The Cascade Land Conservancy will plant the trees and native plants in the Puget Sound area. -- That makes me happy, but you know what I'm thinking there are PEOPLE in Puget Sound area that could have used that $210,000 for food and shelter. I'm just saying....
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Still working slowly but surely on GBC, and getting rid of things. You'd be surprised the stuff that I'm wary of letting go, but then some stuff people might think I would keep is actually stuff I had NO qualms whatsoever getting rid of. Strange. As far as the fit stuff is concerned, I have lost a total of 14 pounds, am still working on that, next weigh in is next week, haven't been exercising - fail, intake has been craptastic, because I haven't taken the time to make my self stuff, that has to change toot sweet. The DD is well, summer for her starts end of April, so we'll see if she's going to stay up at Uni to work or come home and find some work here to occupy her time till Fall Semester. That pretty much sums it up. Be back soon, till then have a brilliant brilliant.

April showers, plans, link love

This evening starts yet another "weekend" for me. I have a meeting tomorrow regarding an opportunity that I am interested in pursuing - we'll see how that all pans out, but other than that no solid plans. This is good. A Chill relax few days will do the body and soul good.
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http://www.aolnews.com/philanthropy This <-----? makes me happy.
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http://www.mhouserphotography.com/index2.php#/home/ - so does this :)
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April showers bring May flowers -- well it's not April but this morning it rained so hard on my way into work I almost stopped the car on the side of the road because I couldn't see the car in front of me. It was so bad! By like 2pm it ws the most lovely day though, Florida weather... the sybill of meteorolgist's nightmares. April is right around the corner - my high school reunion is happening - most of my class is either on their way to Lima, Peru right now or will be next week or so. A new shift bid at work, so who knows what hours I'll be working, Easter, National Tartan Day (the 6th if you're wondering) Seeing David Gray
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PP-f8TDb2n4 and some various and sundry projects I am working on, should make for an interesting month.
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http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/ This <---- is my downfall. I have such a love/hate relationship with this site, it's not even funny. SOOOO INSPIRING! I want to go out to the Home Depot and Lowe's and Target and furniture boutiques RIGHT NOW!Seeing how I share a house with my sister at this point, and we have different design styles on some things, it's even worse for me to go to the site, but once I'm there, it sucks me in and I can literally look up at the clock and have lost a good hour. ARRRGGGHHH.
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My mother leaves for Md on the 1st of April to visit my father and her family for Easter (my dad in doing some work in VA sub contracting out till May) we were supposed to go see "How to Tame your Dragon" at the movies tomorrow, but my meeting is making us postpone till she gets back on the following Tuesday, I love that my mother loves silly kids movies as much as I do. She calls them "dancing mice" movies as in "no violence and blood etc", I call it good fun. I'm so glad we get to hang out like that.
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Anyhoo kittens it's getting late - to all a good night and I'll see you tomorrow after the big meeting :) Have a brilliant brilliant!

One more step, one more step...

Today was spent taking photographs of everything that caught my eye, that spoke to me on some level, and although I really fell in love with a few of the resulting images, this one, even though the quality is nowhere near a shot I would normaly publish spoke to me louder than any other. Why? Because this is how I feel as of late. Perseverence to get up that hill, climb those proverbial stairs that will lead me to the destination I have planned. It's a long arduous journey and my little legs don't know if they can make it but, but my stubborness and my "I told you I could.." attitude is getting me one step closer to the top everyday. There are some good things coming down the pike, I just wish it was going a little faster.
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The Spring GBC took hold of me again and it has translated into me calling a new landscaping service to get the lawn back to some sort of lovely. L is growing veg of all sorts - tomatos, cucumbers, dill, basil, different types of lettuce, oregano, dill, catnip and yellow peppers, so ideally, I'd like to get a raised bed for her to put the growing plants in. I also have to somehow get the non used wasp nests that are on the front entry down without wiging myself out (I don't DO bugs), and convince my sister that the front walkway plants are butt ugly and SURELY we can find other color plants to take their place. Besides that, even the chicklet got in on the action the other day, as there are now 3 bags of clothes that can be taken over to the donation center (and my chicklet doesn't buy crap clothes - so some thrifty shopper is going to be a lucky duck). Much to do, but at least I have a good start on it.
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Slowly but surely, I am finding it easier to do without somethings I thought I would miss terribly, and it's saving me cents and sense as I am not worrying over those things as much. I know that in order for me to get to where I want with the business, with the house, with my emergency savings, with the travel plans, sacrifices have to be made. It's difficult in that where I am workwise is not where I'd like to be (or am used to, by far) salary wise. I'd like to think that if a better paying day job came up that I could continue to live with the same salary as before and put the surplus into those categories, but it seems there's always something more important. I wonder how many of us have that happen? I would think quite a few. I know VERY few independently wealthy people. How about you?
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Have a productive brilliant brilliant.

The girl, the photos, the GBC

My daughter came down the ramp at OIA airport last Monday and I thought I was looking at a different child. She lives an hour away from me at University, I see her once, maybe twice every 6 weeks or so, sometimes it's more, sometimes less, but this time, it just seemed different. She was coming back from Spring Break in MD, (I know weird right? Upper East Coast kids clamor to get down here to FL, this one? She wants snow.. so off she goes to see Bff's in MD) and wasn't any taller, didn't gain or lose any dramatic weight, hadn't colored her hair. It was just different. There was something about her that just made her shine and make me look at her differently. When I get a handle on what it is, I'll let you know, but I'm still stumped. She's 18, and although there are times when she still needs me, she's pretty much doing things on her own, and maybe that's what this feeling is, I don't know. She's at Disney World today with "the boy", so I love that there's still that little kid spirit in her every once in a while.
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As much as I hated to, I did a massive clean up of blogs that I read, some who hadn't posted in a year, some who make it difficult to load with all the ads and what not on the page, some that don't pertain to my life any longer. I also did it on my facebook and my myspace, it just feels like a clean start to a new month, seeing how the next week is the BIG GREAT BIG CULL at my house(I've taken off all week- 3 vacation, the rest I had off anyway) where I will be chucking out things with a vengeance, it just seemed fitting to do it virtually as well.
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The job is the job. I am feeling the effects of it not being a 9-5 M-F gig more often than not, but needs must.
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I have a 2 day photography conference I am going to in Miami in May, looking forward to that, as I will be going up the day before to just relax, but I really am looking forward to it, even if I walk away annoyed by the whistles and bells, I will also walk away with inspiration to the max. I have every urge to say Hey, remember that girl up there? and this will only help that.
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Promise this week will be better blogging, just trying to catch up with all the reading and emails is exhausting.
have a brilliant brilliant.

Warm blessings to you.

I hadn't planned on blogging this holiday weekend, as it's full of family time and the like, but I was overwhelmed today by the generosity of friends and coworkers and I'm not talking about gifts. I am talking about generosity in their actions, words, spirits, kindness. I wish we could all be like that EVERYDAY. I am striving to continue in that vein throughout the next year. Had my review today. went well. I had no doubts about my cs skills, my rapport with people, and my manner. The product knowledge was what I was worried with an even that got good reviews, so I have a few things to work on but all around a good performance appraisal.

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We have no fireplace at my familial home nor at my own home and it is missed. Many a Christmas the homefires were burning, but there's really no call for it down here in Florida. I hope my loved ones in Maryland, Dallas/Ft. Worth, Kentucky, Utah and Pucciville are utilizing theirs. The snow looked horrendous when I was watching it on tele this afternoon. Stay safe I pray.

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We've opened up stockings and a present, which is our tradition on Christmas eve. It's 1:22 a.m. now Christmas day, not a creature is stirring not even a mouse (I can assure you if a mouse was stirring, so would be everyone else in this house, because I would be on a chair screaming till someone came out and got it out of the house). Mine was my new planner for the New Year. I love walking into Boxing day with the new year and some of it's possibilities and special dates and appointments and concerts already filled in.

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This is the time of full hearts, tummies and heads. So blessed am I. I know this. I hope you recognize your blessings when you have them and do what you need to to be a blessing in other people's lives. Merry Christmas y'all.

In which I recap (the no tryptophan episode)

Because my family is pretty unconventional anyway, and my father is not actually in the state this holiday, my mother, sister, my daughter and I decided what better way to spend Thanksgiving Lunner (early dinner, late lunch) at Earl of Sandwich in Downtown Disney and then heading over to AMC Pleasure Island to see "Fantastic Mr. Fox" (mom and I) and "Pirate Radio" (L and Chel). Highly disappointed with "Fantastic Mr. Fox". Was happy to see that the rat was Willem Dafoe though :) Pirate Radio, apparently was a BRILLIANT movie as per my sister, we'll probably see it together soon. I am also ecstatic because we finally get Boondock Saints here in FL. It is at Universal, so it'll be a little drive but worth it, and because I'm going to see it oh, 2 or 15 times, a nice theatre to see it in is a bonus.

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Maybe it's just me, but some of the people "singing" at the Macy's parade and their songs are just noise, right?

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I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it.

--Alice Walker
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Went and bought a phone. Chel and I went together on a Verizon family plan as it seems the majority of her friends have Verizon and so she gets free calls to them. I didn't care one way or another as long as I can call people, have people call me and text capabilities. As soon as I have it set up, I'll send out the number to those who need it.

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As The Black Friday is nearing it's end, I went the whole day without buying anything but a soda. Yay me? I must say I TOTALLY missed being able to go out with my mom and sister and shop. I'll have to sort that out for next year.

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It's a little less than 4 weeks till Christmas - I'm nowhere near done. I do have the holiday card envelopes addressed, so there's a starting point. We have a Secret Santa at work I am participating in, I have to buy for a little one (my 2nd cousin Fiona- now 5 years old, the youngest on my mother's side) which I haven't done in yonks and can't begin to imagine what to get her, and various and other sundry things I need to do. I need to do double time this next pay period.

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Finding myself increasingly frustrated over the lack of Internet and working computer at my house. Am using Dad's computer until I get everything sorted out as far as high speed and a new computer at mine, which I hope will be sometime, end of December, early January, it's ridiculously hard to keep up with the blogs I love and the coupons and the email and fb etc. and still make it home at a decent hour.

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Lots to do, a photoshoot tomorrow for family friends, getting my house ready for the holidays, laundry, and studying for what will be the worst quiz ever on Monday morning. Man did I earn this weekend.

She sells Sanctuary, now if I onlyknew for how much :)

Remember when I said I was going to see more shows from now on and this coming year? The Cult (see photo) played Hard Rock Orlando Saturday night. I won tickets. Did I go? No. The Cult had a few great hits, Fire Woman, She Sells Sanctuary, Love Removal Machine, Matt Sorum (far right, from Guns and Roses) has taken over drums, Ian Astbury is still a drama queen and their guitarist Billy Duffy (far left) is amazing, but I was just too tired. Relationship drama, and just general catching up on other things overcame the desire to go to Hard Rock. I don't regret missing the show, but I don't know if the opportunity arose again, I would have choosen the same way. If performance is a priority for me, and it is, then I should make more time for it.
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Sunday, was supposed to have been a day of rest. I would have loved to do that, but I had laundry to do and a living room that looked like the magazine fairy came and dumped all of her load on my massive 36" round coffee table. Literally you could not see the top of the table for all that was on it. That and the kitchen needed a scrubdown and I needed to meal plan lunches. As I am quite possibly the only person in my family who doesn't care about football at all, for that matter, most sports, I was not swayed by the silliness that is men running after one another and toppling on top of each other to get a filled pigskin from one end of stadium to the other, and I was able to accomplish most on the to do list tonight. I say that all queen-like, know that as soon as I got home, I put on Forensic Files, and had that on in the background as I did chores, so really, I haven't won at all ;).
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Chels gets proper inducted this weekend to her Sorority - Alpha Chi - so white dress shopping was a success, I hope the photographer is better than the man who shot her graduation ceremony photos, those were atrocious, needless to say, we didn't buy those. I take better shots that that guy and he has a storefront and staff. You can't just give any old person a few cameras and hope for the best at major life events, I wish the school had recognized that when shopping out vendors for the job.
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In other news, I am still thinking about the Legal Administrative Assistant Certification. It has potential to be a good thing down the line, only problem is the timing, it's Thursday nights, now I think the new class starts October 2010, so maybe my schedule by then will work around classtime, so we'll see, but it's something to think about. I'm a damn good Admin, might as well get certified for it.
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Off home, baking to do.

Nigglies, Thanksgiving and the Mouse, Fun stuff looking forward,

You would think that now that there is the holidays are around the corner, I'd be over the moon. For the most part I am. I can't deny that. Are there still niggling issues that I have to deal with realistically and don't want to? Yes. I can't change people. I can only let them know I am their friend, their supporter in the bad and good, a sympathetic ear, a shoulder to lean on. I am only me. For some people, it's not enough. "Their devils don't go away, but this time when they wake up, I might not be around." - Juliet's Wishing Well That's ok. That's their deal. I have to do what I have to do regardless, and that's continuing being me. Truth be told though, I'm tired of being taken for granted.
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On good notes, Chels is well, we've decided for Thanksgiving we are going to The Crystal Palace at Magic Kingdom (WDW). I can't think that Thanksgiving Day at Disney would be any more crowded than it is any other day, so.. it'll be fun. We have an 11:40 seating so we have early dinner with Pooh Bear, Piglet, Tigger, Eeyore and Rabbit and then off to The Haunted Mansion, Buzz Lightyear, Pirates of The Caribbean and so on... with no dishes to clean up! Whoo hoo, that decision made me happy.
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The new year will be bringing plays and musicals, comedians (can you say Craig Ferguson?) and local and national musicians that I have been wanting to see. This next year is full of possibilities for theatre, travel, seeing friends more often, entertaining, and I am excited for it!
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Tonight- some of my fave shows- Community and The Office. I used to love Thursday night tv, but am not so stressed about Parks and Rec and 30 Rock, so I just watch my two shows and turn the channel for the rest.
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Here's to tomorrow being a great day.

Halloween 2009

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! I hope everybody had a brilliant time! I know we did.

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Popped into the new H&M store in Florida Mall today, so many cute clothes. In fact in the back there was a whole wall display that for all intensive purposes could be my Fall wardrobe once I lose more weight. I need to get down a size and I should be good to go. So many gorgeous sweaters and vests and jackets and L had this sweet wrap dress that looked amazing on her. It's been so long since I had a good clothes shop, but I'm not prepared to do it until I am back down to my reasonable weight/size in my head to spend that kind of money. When I do though, watch out H&M!

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This is my mother and father on Pirate night on Disney's cruise ship The Wonder, it was my mom's 2nd cruise. She loves traveling anyway but to be on a cruise, she enjoys it even more. When you can get my father stoked about stuff like that as well, it's amazing, so YAY! Crazy people, I love them. My mother came in yesterday, then my father comes home end of December, Chel will be back for Thanksgiving and Christmas as well, but till then it's just my mother, my sister and I, and that means a LOT OF LAUGHTER. I am stoked to see her. I show you this photo because this is what she wore last night when she and my sister went to Downtown Disney to do the trick or treat thing. My mom...is awesome.
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November, here we come :)

Disney, Being 4, The Collegiate, Work

What is it about Disney that makes us 4-7 year old children again when we, as adults, go there with the kids? I don't know, but I don't fight it. Fiona, 4 years old.

To be 4 at Disney World is a magical thing. You aren't the jaded 7 year old who has seen it all, and knows everything. When Belle or Cinderella hugs you, it's A BIG DEAL, DUDE!!!
Pooh Bear, Eeyore, Tigger and Piglet invite you to breakfast? You can't say no to that!

I am a grown up. I am not 4. I cannot honestly tell you that when Aurora hugged me the first time I met her in my 30's, it wasn't a big deal. I cannot honestly tell you I didn't burst into tears like a big baby cause I was so happy. That would be a lie. I'm glad Fee had more composure and maturity to just curtsy at Belle. I am still waiting to meet Prince Phillip and Maleficent. Merriweather as well, she is my fave fairy. HINT HINT, Christopher, if you made that happen, that would be the biggest coup you ever pulled off. That would complete my Disney dream. I have been visiting Walt Disney World since the year it opened, even when we lived in other states, we came to FL to visit family, but we ALWAYS went to Disney World. I went to Disneyland when I lived in CA, but it didn't measure up (even though the castle was Sleeping Beauty's). We now live about 15 minutes away from the front gate of The Magic Kingdom. Once I am back in happy finances, this princess is getting herself an annual pass. You never know when you have baby cousins come to town... someone needs to take them there, why not me?

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Had lunch with this child today... took her white short formal dress up for her sorority induction ceremony later in the month, as well as some hoodies and long sleeve shirts, because "mom, it was freezing up here the other night!" Wanted to take her off campus for lunch, so we went to Panera, laughed a lot, drove, laughed some more, made plans for the holidays, laughed even more. I'm so happy she's doing well, she's involved in intramural sports, her volleyball team is in semi finals, her "sisters" seem to be nice people. She has a clear direction of where she wants to be and how and what it's going to take for her to get there. So much more of a grown up than I was at her age. Shoot, sometimes, she's more grown up than I am now. I was glad to catch up with her and I have a sneaky and great feeling that she was happy to have had some Chellie/Mommi time with me. Oh hey, heads up-Panera has a shortbread cookie that is so deceptively delish, the fat content I cannot begin to think about, but MY GOD, that was a wonderful cookie! That said, since we started back on program I've lost 2.6 pounds, the real weigh in is on Monday, I'll let you know what the outcome is.

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My interview with the cable company went well. I was there from 10 until 3 in the afternoon as I had two interviews and then they sent me for drug testing, that has to be a good sign, right? They said I would hear from them within 7-10 days depending on getting back the drug test and the references etc. There are many other people vying for positions, so I was happy to get as far as I did so soon. Here is praying that I do get this, because it will make Spring Semester so much less stressful for me, as well as maybe getting a start on really paying down debt. I leave you with the wish that you pray for me and mine and I will for you and yours.

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More Portraiture, Weighty Issues, Moving, Employment

Top to bottom, Left to right - Josh Wilson, Brian Wood, Chris and a photo of me that was taken by Jan Gay. I was 21, almost 22 at that time. I would like to think that besides the weight, I haven't changed that much. The hair colors have changed over the years, the cut, but for the most part I'm the same. I started on Weight Watchers again today. I was at my heaviest about 3 months ago, I have since lost weight, but feel I need a kick start and points have always worked before so I thought why mess with a good thing. To be honest. I don't want or need to weigh 132, which is what I was in that photo, but I'd like to resemble myself a little more than I do now. So, as I go on, I will post what I've lost or gained once a week, here's to getting back to me :)

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I love black and white photography best. Now that I am digital, thank you Chris, I can just shoot in black and white or color and make changes from there. But I do love the starkness of it, the details seem to shine through more. I love the details.
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Last night, I moved back into my house. I'd been spending the last week at my parent's house. My sister is house sitting for them while they are on assignment in Virginia. It was nice to go grocery shopping and come home and clean house and get laundry done. A break from the day to day and same surroundings is good, but I did miss the house, much to my surprise. I had planned on moving out within a year of me getting another job as I just didn't feel like it was MINE, I share it with my sister when she isn't house sitting my parent's home, and although neither her or my stuff is all encompassing the space, it isn't mine. Plans that I thought were progressing nicely and towards this turned out not to be so full of progress, so I am still thinking on the move, but with different requirements this time, not as worried about how many bedrooms, location, etc as before. This also gives me more time to really get the place I want. I saw two locations today, haven't checked them out, but come closer to time, I will.

Have an interview tomorrow with a nationally known cable company, if it is successful I will be in training for 4-6 weeks(paid) and then the actual job starts. Free Cable, Internet and really low cost telephone service as well your standard medical/dental, vision, 401K, STD, LTD are inclusive in the benefits, so this, for all intensive purposes is the perfect job for me. Low stress, the hours are a little wonky, at the very worst I'd get the 3-11 shift, which for me isn't hard, because I'm up that late anyway, might as well be earning money while I'm up. I have two other positions that I applied for recently that have asked me to continue in the application process, so here's faith that something great will come out of all those. I'll let you know.