More Portraiture, Weighty Issues, Moving, Employment

Top to bottom, Left to right - Josh Wilson, Brian Wood, Chris and a photo of me that was taken by Jan Gay. I was 21, almost 22 at that time. I would like to think that besides the weight, I haven't changed that much. The hair colors have changed over the years, the cut, but for the most part I'm the same. I started on Weight Watchers again today. I was at my heaviest about 3 months ago, I have since lost weight, but feel I need a kick start and points have always worked before so I thought why mess with a good thing. To be honest. I don't want or need to weigh 132, which is what I was in that photo, but I'd like to resemble myself a little more than I do now. So, as I go on, I will post what I've lost or gained once a week, here's to getting back to me :)

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I love black and white photography best. Now that I am digital, thank you Chris, I can just shoot in black and white or color and make changes from there. But I do love the starkness of it, the details seem to shine through more. I love the details.
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Last night, I moved back into my house. I'd been spending the last week at my parent's house. My sister is house sitting for them while they are on assignment in Virginia. It was nice to go grocery shopping and come home and clean house and get laundry done. A break from the day to day and same surroundings is good, but I did miss the house, much to my surprise. I had planned on moving out within a year of me getting another job as I just didn't feel like it was MINE, I share it with my sister when she isn't house sitting my parent's home, and although neither her or my stuff is all encompassing the space, it isn't mine. Plans that I thought were progressing nicely and towards this turned out not to be so full of progress, so I am still thinking on the move, but with different requirements this time, not as worried about how many bedrooms, location, etc as before. This also gives me more time to really get the place I want. I saw two locations today, haven't checked them out, but come closer to time, I will.

Have an interview tomorrow with a nationally known cable company, if it is successful I will be in training for 4-6 weeks(paid) and then the actual job starts. Free Cable, Internet and really low cost telephone service as well your standard medical/dental, vision, 401K, STD, LTD are inclusive in the benefits, so this, for all intensive purposes is the perfect job for me. Low stress, the hours are a little wonky, at the very worst I'd get the 3-11 shift, which for me isn't hard, because I'm up that late anyway, might as well be earning money while I'm up. I have two other positions that I applied for recently that have asked me to continue in the application process, so here's faith that something great will come out of all those. I'll let you know.

Portraiture

Thought I would add some more of my portraiture in the blog this week, so here's the first installment. What I find behind the a lens is so different than what people think of themselves, more often than not. I love being able to show them a different view to themselves. A true view, make no mistake about that, but a different one how they perhaps never saw themselves. It brings me great joy to show a mother of a graduating high school boy the love in his eyes when is captured grabbing her for a hug, or the always serious couple caught laughing and it turns out to be their favorite shot. I don't claim to be Annie Lebowitz or Sam Jones or anybody. I'm just me, and the people I shoot are just themselves. I like it that way. I do get an opportunity now and then to shoot local and national musicians, and that is great fun, but in my heart I know portraiture is where I belong.

I think people forget that they used to be children when they think about getting photographs taken. They seem surprised at the width of their own smiles, or how shiny their eyes are. That makes me smile. They seem to lose inhibitions about 25-50 shots into a shoot and then the real fun starts.

Then there are some people who are naturals when it comes to being in front of a camera. They have no qualms about the crows feet or the crooked tooth. No hangups about anything you ask them to do. Then you have those people who are so beautiful in life, you think you can't possibly do them any more justice in film, but even then they find something that they hadn't seen in themselves. Then there's children, they are so unpredictable, but that's almost the very best part of photographing them. I can't imagine everyone not wanting to do this. I am none happier than when I get to photograph people. I, however absolutely HATE having my own picture taken. It's a weight issue, my eyes bother me, believe me, I can come up with a million reasons, so don't bother trying. I'll just stay behind here, thanks, it will benefit us both that way.

If you were asked to pose for a photo, what would your reaction be. I mean really, think about it. most of us shy away. I'm going to try and not do it so often, even if I only use those images as stepping stones to how I want to look in a few more months when I have lost the weight I aim to lose.

The true victory for me will be when I can have a photo taken of me where I am not having my hands under my chin (double chin) and my eyes are open wider and focused better on the photographer/camera. I leave you with the thought that no matter how we see ourselves, there will always be other people who see us so differently than us. We can learn so much from that. Beauty is not just what's on the surface, that's the superficial, yes there are beautiful and striking features that some people possess, but real beauty is ALWAYS in the details. The eyes, the crinkles around your nose when you smile, that scar you got as a child whilst roller skating, the birthmark, the dirt beneath a boys fingernails after he's been playing in the mud with the trucks, the ribbons on an Easter dress, the way a son looks at his mother, the way a woman looks at the man she loves, the way a child holds their parents hand. That, my friend, is beauty and you have it. It's always been there. All you have to do is look.

Oh What a week it was

Wow, it seems like I've been away much longer than a week, but my what a week it was! Started Holiday shopping. I am a crazy woman when it comes to Christmas. It is my fave holiday and it is imperative to me to have my family around on Christmas morning. If I have to work Christmas later in the day that's fine, but don't even try and mess with my Christmas morning. My mother is the most difficult person to shop for.

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That child (Chelsea) came home from school, we went shopping, saw Toy Story 1&2 which we both laughed so hard through and thoroughly enjoyed, and a lovely period piece called Bright Star about the poet Keats. I was surprised how much I enjoyed it. Chels loves Keats so for her it was brilliant. I love this photo. It was at the Renaissance Faire in Maryland. It's one of the largest fairs in the country and we loved going there each season. She must have been in 5th or 6th grade here.

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I got three, yes count them, three job calls. I won't jinx it by talking about them now, but I was ecstatic that I got the calls. Interviews scheduled for this coming week.

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My mother is due to come home end of month. YAY! Her freelance contract is up. BOO! My father will be home for Christmas and then he returns back to VA for his contract. Chelsea leaves for school tomorrow night, will be back for Thanksgiving. This is Chelsea's graduation in June of this year. My dad is so proud, he's about to pop! I think it's fun to see the way they interact with her as opposed to the way they did with myself and my sister. It's just so different. I guess it's true what they say "When you have your own children you'll understand..."

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It's a beautiful day here. After having such horrid heat for October, 93, but feels like 100 with the heat index, this morning called for a high of 75. Tomorrow the high is 70-72. Now THIS is my kind of weather. I still miss the colors of Fall back up north, but I don't miss the freezing cold, snow or ice. That said, I can't stand the heat here or up north so.. I know, there's no pleasing me :)

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If you do NOTHING else this week, you must watch The Big Bang Theory. Why? Because Wil Wheaton is going to be guest starring on it. Need more coaxing? here: http://wilwheaton.typepad.com/wwdnbackup/2009/10/hey-look-its-the-promo-for-my-episode-of-the-big-bang-theory.html I love his wit and this show anyway so for me, it's Cake :) In fact, you need to watch all the shows on CBS' Monday night lineup. It's so worth it!

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Off to try and make up the next week's shopping list, which I think will be much different than last weeks as it will not have "Chelsea food" on it. I might see the laundry room later tonight, but I'm not counting on it :) and last but not least, today's installment of THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW SO YOU CAN SLEEP TONIGHT : Chris Pine (James T. Kirk from the newest Star Trek) is working his way up to playing another icon, novelist Tom Clancy's heroic Jack Ryan.According to Variety, Pine is in early negotiations with Paramount to reboot a series that kicked off in 1990, with Alec Baldwin playing the CIA operative in 'The Hunt for Red October.' I leave you with that.

The Restlessness and a Story of Toys

Restless tonight, cause I wasted the light... this is the best way to describe the way I feel today. I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin and do/go/be/have/fix something, somewhere, somehow. I get like this and for the most part my inclination leads me into trouble. I spend too much money, I eat too many sweets, I stay up too late, I go out and party too hard, you get the picture. Last night, Meg, Chel and I went to see Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs, then had dinner at Market Street before Meggie had to catch up with some other friends and leave this morning to go back home. We had fun and as we were watching the movie I thought to myself 'this is only the second time you have been out out in two or three months.' So I mourn the days when I could hop in the car and be at the Club with the girls or the Pub with a group of friendly people, or even a movie more often with Chris, but the way things are financially, the distance between suburbia and "the city" that can't be justified in my mind for a marginal musician I would only see if I lived ten minutes from the pub, and the work schedules of some of my friends have been sent to sabotage my social life. I didn't and still don't feel like I can just go out and have a good time without footing my share of the bill. I don't like being indebted to other people even if it's just over a round of beer or a cover charge, so I just stopped going out. Once I'm working again, it will be easier for me to justify the expense of seeing live music with friends, having a happy hour meet up, and or doing a pub crawl. Until then, my jaunts, unfortunately, are going to have to be far and in between.

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There's no mail today as it's Columbus Day. This brings me no joy. Getting mail, for the most part is like Christmas! I love opening my box to see a new issue of a magazine I love, or, now that it's close to the holidays, what catalogue am I in store for today? Yes, there will always be bills in our boxes, there's no stopping that, but the other stuff is what makes it fun! I can look at it like this though, tomorrow's mail will be even more awesome because it will be two day's worth.

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Is it silly for a 42 year old woman to be THIS excited about seeing Toy Story 1&2 3-D as a double feature? They say that in intermission, there is Toy Story trivia... I can't wait! I love the Slinky Dog, and Rex is awesome, I think he may be my favorite. I didn't care for TS2 as much as TS1 because I didn't like Jesse. Mind you, I love Joan Cusak in all her other stuff. I can sit through it again though. TS3 is coming soon, June 18th 2010 is the date I heard. Woody, Buzz, and the rest of their toy-box friends are dumped in a day-care center after their owner Andy departs for college. Already, the movie trailer has some cute quotes: Hamm the Piggy Bank: C'mon, let's see how much we're going for on eBay...

There is light at the end of the tunnel

Baby girl is coming home on Friday night. She is going to hit the Homecoming game at CHS, and then goes back up to Uni to lifeguard a swim meet, then comes back home for Fall break. A full 9 days with her home. Mind you, as most kids her age, she will either be sleeping or seeing friends for most of the time, but the she also scored some hours at her summer job whilst on break so go her! I have been doing extremely well not being a helicopter mommi. You know the hovering mommi that calls three times a week and knows the professor's names by heart, etc. We text once a week or so, call once a week or so, (in fact, I just got off the phone with her) and if need be, she or I can see each other with an hour's drive. I'll be happy to see her, but L's right, I drew up a grocery list because nowadays, there's nothing in the house that child will eat. We went shopping and I think once she's here, we'll end up going again.
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Saw Inglorious Basterds and Zombieland over the weekend. Classic Tarantino was Basterds and I actually enjoyed it more than his previous and most recent films. Zombieland was gorier than I needed but fun nevertheless especially with the Ghostbusters references and Bill Murray. I recommend them both. Perhaps not just after eating, however. Also watched Blade and The Prestige. Blade because I love Norman Reedus. The Prestige, because a) Christian Bale and b)Hugh Jackman, or as The Bear likes to say"Batman and Wolverine". I love Christian Bale, and this movie was just so wonderfully shot and the story was so incredible. really a brilliant film.
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All things are pointing to a "yes" on my unemployment benefits coming again.
After much delay and the extended benefits bill coming into effect, I have some hope of actually, oh, I don't know, putting a little money aside again. Bills have been paid, because let's face it, when aren't the big ones, the important ones, paid. But I gave up cable and a land line to make things easier. To tell you the truth. I don't miss the land line. Cable, now that's a whole different story. That, I may have to succumb to again. I have been looking for jobs right left and center. The problem is that FL unemployment is at something like 10.25% right now and there is an overabundance of Administrative professionals. One could say "Col, so just don't be an admin, do something else... shoot anyone can work retail, hotel, waitress..." well apparently not, because I applied. let me tell you, even what you may think are blue collar jobs that you or I could do with our hands tied behind our backs, WE CAN'T. I would be happy to be , and may I add, have been, a proud blue collar worker, but those jobs are filled as well. I'll continue to apply and will most likely get an interview for every 20 I apply for, but I will keep looking. Would love to get back to normalcy.
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I leave you with the fact that Pam and Jim's wedding is tonight on The Office and Community is a great show and you should already know all that, go, eat dinner, watch the wedding. it'll be the first one I've looked forward to since Princess Diana's.

Addictions

I've been drinking Diet Coke for as long as I care to remember. They say it's a mother's/housewives addiction, like perhaps Prozac. Except Diet Coke has caffeine and I am under the impression (as I, myself, do not take the medication)that Prozac does not. I am not affected by the caffeine in Diet Coke, so it can't really be justified as my high octane kick in the rear every morning in the vein that coffee is for some people. No, my addiction to Diet Coke stems from the fountain sort, the bubbles, the taste. Let me tell you now there is a HUGE difference in the taste of a fountain Diet Coke and a can or bottle. I rarely drink anymore, I don't smoke, I just bite my nails, read way too many magazines and drink Diet Coke in copious amounts. These are my vices, I say leave me to them :)

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Taking my sister to the airport tomorrow, she's going up east to see a musician friend of hers who only comes to the states to play once in a blue moon. I'll be picking her up on Wednesday as well. I remember just getting the car and following a band for a small weekend. This is not what she is doing, but it reminded me of many road trips and set-ups and take downs and drums bigger than my head and tea in thermoses and late night/early morning Silver Diner and Denny's runs. For some people it's sports, some people it's Star Trek, me, it's always been about the music. You take me places whilst you are onstage, and I will GO places to see you. I miss those days. I miss good live music. We're lucky here in Florida, not only for great venues for national acts to play but also for the plethora of great local musicians we have and their amazing sense of community here. That is another post altogether. I tell you, people, music, it can change you.

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Watched two pivotal movies this weekend. The first was Boondock Saints with Sean Patrick Flanery (left) and Norman Reedus(right), also starring Billy Connolly whom I adore. I'm a huge sucker for good Irish Catholic Boston boys, so this was a win from the first time I saw it back in the day. I came to it later than it was released, but now I don't know how a film fanatic couldn't have it in their library. Its message is a good one, albeit not carried out in the best and certainly not the most legal way perhaps, but it's still a good message. It doesn't hurt that Flanery's accent is superb, the Irish, not so much the Boston. The other was Rob Roy. Scotland, as far as I am concerned is my second home, so this was not only a gorgeous movie to watch, it was compelling and again a good message. Honor made him a man. Courage made him a hero. History made him a Legend. I know that's the corny tag line for the movie, but it's true. Braveheart is my favorite movie, but this ranks right there in the top five. Liam Neeson, who can do no wrong as far as I'm concerned and the goddess Jessica Lange, who plays Roy's wife Mary with such a presence and dignified grace, it wrecks me how much I love this movie.

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The house is filling up with the smell of Pesto Pasta and it is amazing. My sister, I think in the knowledge that I'm quite happy to eat just cereal, cheese and good bread all my life, is making us dinner. It's not that I don't know how. I just have rare call to make myself a full on meal. So, I am thankful, my tummy will be warm, my nose happy, and my mouth wanting seconds, no doubt :) ETA - it was Delish!

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I leave you with the thoughts of warm full tummies and HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER AND BIG BANG THEORY :)

October mornings filled with music

"October, the trees are stripped bare from all they wear, what do I care? October, kingdoms rise and kingdoms fall, but you go on and on... you go on." October by U2. Photo by Bruce Doucet.
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So October is about going on and on in the midst of it all. I'm totally down with that.
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Tuition - paid. Job -not yet in hand. Chel's grades - All good. Treadmill today - done. The weather even cooperated.
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Things to look forward to this month:
1. Meg coming down from up North, if I get to see her at some point great, if not it's still ok, I'll talk to her soon.

2. Southern Women's Show at the convention center. It's so funny to go and be like OMG! and people watch. Well, there's also fun shopping and stuff, so that's good.

3. Chels is home for a full week, FALL BREAK.

4. Lots of shows, local people playing out, some national acts coming, if I'm able to see a few then even better! Our Lady Peace, Joshua Radin, The Bravery,The Cult, Roger Freaking Daltrey!, Local shows, That, my friend, is what is on my mind... All a big yay! We are so lucky to have decent venues for people to play.

6. Boondock Saints 2, All Saints Day

7. Last but most definitely not least, It is WORLD PASTA DAY on October 26th and you know me and PASTA! Woot Woot!
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All in all, I wish you everyone a BRILLIANT BRILLIANT OCTOBER.