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"You will fear the darkness only to the extent that you yourself are not providing light." Marianne Williamson

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The Birthday Party shoot at Pulse the other night was fruitful, lots of good shots of the birthday girl and her friends. It was great to be doing it again. Uploading the final product later today.

Today is final Tuition paydate on Fall Semester. Good thing Spring semester isn't due till Jan 1st. Sorority dues, a new key card/id, and the tuition all in one month hit hard. This should be so much easier to anticipate. Also, I'll know the amount I need for August 2010 for tuition and dues and can budget accordingly now. It's a pain not knowing what to expect and then getting bit in the butt. -- ETA --- Tuition paid, lump stuck in my throat for the last three months - gone.

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Did you know it's 7 weeks till Christmas? Insane right? Have you all started shopping? I picked up two movies yesterday (Julia and Julie for my mother and Star Trek for my father), and have been picking up things here and there when I can, but wow, only 7 weeks. I don't think we will put up a tree at L's and my house because we are at my mother's house pretty much the whole week of Christmas anyway, so that's one less stressor. I always like to keep with tradition but with work, I don't yet know what my schedule will be that day. have to play it by ear. I do know though, that I never miss "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" --the REAL ONE, THE ANIMATED ONE, NOT the awful Jim Carrey one, and "A Charlie Brown Christmas". Those are a constant. L asked me what I am getting myself for Christmas. I hadn't thought about it really, I had one thing in mind, but can't justify the amount it would cost just yet, so I think a spa treatment of some sort would be my present to myself. How about you?

Nigglies, Thanksgiving and the Mouse, Fun stuff looking forward,

You would think that now that there is the holidays are around the corner, I'd be over the moon. For the most part I am. I can't deny that. Are there still niggling issues that I have to deal with realistically and don't want to? Yes. I can't change people. I can only let them know I am their friend, their supporter in the bad and good, a sympathetic ear, a shoulder to lean on. I am only me. For some people, it's not enough. "Their devils don't go away, but this time when they wake up, I might not be around." - Juliet's Wishing Well That's ok. That's their deal. I have to do what I have to do regardless, and that's continuing being me. Truth be told though, I'm tired of being taken for granted.
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On good notes, Chels is well, we've decided for Thanksgiving we are going to The Crystal Palace at Magic Kingdom (WDW). I can't think that Thanksgiving Day at Disney would be any more crowded than it is any other day, so.. it'll be fun. We have an 11:40 seating so we have early dinner with Pooh Bear, Piglet, Tigger, Eeyore and Rabbit and then off to The Haunted Mansion, Buzz Lightyear, Pirates of The Caribbean and so on... with no dishes to clean up! Whoo hoo, that decision made me happy.
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The new year will be bringing plays and musicals, comedians (can you say Craig Ferguson?) and local and national musicians that I have been wanting to see. This next year is full of possibilities for theatre, travel, seeing friends more often, entertaining, and I am excited for it!
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Tonight- some of my fave shows- Community and The Office. I used to love Thursday night tv, but am not so stressed about Parks and Rec and 30 Rock, so I just watch my two shows and turn the channel for the rest.
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Here's to tomorrow being a great day.

Halloween 2009

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! I hope everybody had a brilliant time! I know we did.

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Popped into the new H&M store in Florida Mall today, so many cute clothes. In fact in the back there was a whole wall display that for all intensive purposes could be my Fall wardrobe once I lose more weight. I need to get down a size and I should be good to go. So many gorgeous sweaters and vests and jackets and L had this sweet wrap dress that looked amazing on her. It's been so long since I had a good clothes shop, but I'm not prepared to do it until I am back down to my reasonable weight/size in my head to spend that kind of money. When I do though, watch out H&M!

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This is my mother and father on Pirate night on Disney's cruise ship The Wonder, it was my mom's 2nd cruise. She loves traveling anyway but to be on a cruise, she enjoys it even more. When you can get my father stoked about stuff like that as well, it's amazing, so YAY! Crazy people, I love them. My mother came in yesterday, then my father comes home end of December, Chel will be back for Thanksgiving and Christmas as well, but till then it's just my mother, my sister and I, and that means a LOT OF LAUGHTER. I am stoked to see her. I show you this photo because this is what she wore last night when she and my sister went to Downtown Disney to do the trick or treat thing. My mom...is awesome.
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November, here we come :)

TRADITION!!! and small steps

Tradition! At my house the holidays are taken very seriously but not in the religious sort of way. I hate to say it like that, but it's true. We don't go crazy on birthdays or anniversaries, but Christmas is another ballgame altogether. I think it stems back from the fact that my father was 1 of 7 children, and the oldest. He had three sisters and 3 brothers all younger than him and Christmas morning wasn't the most homey family time for him, it was a mad dash to the tree and people just tearing the crap out of wrapping paper en masse. That and the fact that he loves to surprise his girls. That would be my mother, his wife of 43 years, my sister, my daughter and myself. So Christmas morning, even when we think the festivities are over, the last gift unwrapped, he has something else up his sleeve. Last year we got him good, because we were the ones who had the very last pressie, which of course was for him, after he thought he did. I can't begin to show you photos of our tree on Christmas morning because I would be embarrassed at the among of pressies under the tree, but I justify this in my head because we don't go crazy at any other time of year and it's only the 5 of us.

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One of our traditions is that after October 1st, no one is allowed to buy any media (Cd's, books, movies, anything like that) or any non-essentials. You can buy socks and groceries obviously, but other than that NO BUYING FOR ONESELF after October 1st. Another of our traditions is that we are allowed to open up our stockings and 1 pressie from under the tree and we can pick that pressie, but the other people have a veto power they can use on our choice, so we may have to pick another. Usually, the pressie is something like a book to read the night before Christmas morning, new Filofax inserts, something to keep us busy and not thinking about the morning fun still to come. Me, I am CHRISTMAS crazy, I want to get everyone everything on their list and see their faces, it's much more fun for me that way. I used to be such a terrible snoop when I was little. When I was in 4th grade, I found where my parents hid the pressies, and was so bold as to unwrap some of the Barbies I got that year and actually play with them in my room until I got caught. needless to say, I didn't have Barbies under the tree Christmas morning, and I never saw those particular ones again, so... lesson learned.

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Another tradition we have is around food. We almost always have Lasagna on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning there is and has always been Cinnamon Rolls, not just any, they have to be Grands Cinnamon Rolls. Now, mind you, I am allergic to cinnamon, my uvula, you know the little thing in the back of your throat that hangs down, swells up like a freaking golf ball and I can't breathe if I ingest too much, so I am only allowed to have like 2 cinnamon rolls and even then, only after I have had my Benadryl. Then we normally have proper dinner, with the full dining room experience to end the day. I am voting for no Thanksgiving dinner at home this year, as my father will not be here - he's still on contract work in VA, AND no Christmas day dinner at home, it'd be nice to go somewhere and have something different. I also don't like turkey with all the trimmings so that is where my vote comes from primarily, that and the fact that my mom hates to cook and clean up after.

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In the vein of goals and small steps taking towards them, I got a call yesterday from a friend who is having a surprise birthday party for his girlfriend at a downtown club that I used to frequent quite often. He is the Lighting and Sound Manager there, so I guess he was able to get a great deal on getting private VIP room/space and he wants me to photograph the party. This is a no brainer. He is a good friend, a good guy and I'm glad to see him happy with this woman, he deserves it. I also will be able to see some other old friends who work at the club, and hey, I'm not about to get tipsy on the job, but a nosh on is going to happen for sure. I miss photographing people, events, etc, so this is another pop in the can for the business goals. YAY!

Taking little steps

Is there anything better than warm, fresh from the dryer, soft, fluffy towels? I confess, I sometimes hop in the shower when the dryer has only 20 minutes left so that I have these lovely things waiting for me when I get out. (My laundry room is a step away from my bathroom, lest you think I'm running around dripping wet through the house). After doing laundry this last weekend, and culling yet more clothes, I felt a sense of happiness and ease. It isn't hard looking at things anymore and deciding what to keep and what not to because I want to pare down so badly, all I do is say "Do you make me happy?" "Do you bring intrinsic value to my life?" "Are you something that I would miss so dearly, and can't be replaced?" and the answer to the questions decides what happens next. I love movies, music and books. Clothes, I am not attached to, except for a few pieces. I think the GBC (Great Big Cull) of media is what is happening next and that, my friends, I think will be harder. I do need to replace so many of my Cd's due to the scratches, the poor handling on my part, but am worried as some of them are not in print anymore. EBay, Amazon and the like for the most part can handle that, but I do need to think about proper care and storage for the remaining and survivors of the media cull. So research is needed for cabinetry/CD binders/and the like.

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There are other reasons to want to pare down, the move, when it eventually happens, and it will, I just haven't decided when and where, is a big thing. I won't have Chelsea as she will have her own life, still in dorms, an apartment with friends or on her own, etc, and thus can and will be able to do what and when with rooms. I have some things I want to take care of before then, have all my ducks in a row, shall we say, before I make any decisions on that.

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Taco Bell for lunch today, haven't had it in ages. Soft tacos, SO GOOD!, yet SOOOO BAD.

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After October's task of getting my big and little goals listed, I need to start taking steps towards making them come to fruition. I have picked up the camera again after a long spell, it felt good, right and I was at home. Other goals have steps that can be taken without costing $ so I will jump on them this coming week and month. We can only do to better ourselves, however small.

Where do you find your peace?

These are a few of my favorite things. Things that bring me peace.

Books, especially Alexandra Stoddard books. I think there is probably no author who touches me creatively more than she does. I'm not a decorator and never will be. Whether or not my dining room china closet is Louis IV inspired or not I'll never know, that's not why I read her. When I figure out why, I'll let you know. Until then, I think she is brilliant and recommend her.

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Music - Cd's albums, cassette tapes, doesn't matter. I think if I could not hear music or read books, I would be miserable. So here is much gratitude that I am not losing my hearing or sight. I have quite a few friends who are musicians, so I am lucky that even when I go out and a national act that I love isn't anywhere playing in our town, I can pretty much be assured there is someone I know and enjoy playing downtown.

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A friend of mine asked something to the effect of "Do you ever feel like you have used all of God's favors?" the other day. I immediately replied "ALL THE TIME" Last night was a hard night for me, I was tearful and regretful, stems back from my inability to let things go and my wish that I could be better, give more, do more. I was UPSET. There's no use calling friends or family up to commiserate, I just needed to get it out, and I did. Then I was reminded, you need to forgive yourself and decide to move on. I'm not a real religious person, but last night I prayed, it seemed to help. I tried very hard to forgive myself. I woke this morning more at peace. It doesn't solve the problem as a whole, that will come, I know, but I felt better. I want to believe God doesn't run out of favors.

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Little bits - Today L and I went to Sweet Bay, Publix and CVS. We used coupons everywhere we went. I walked out of Sweet Bay with a glass jar of EVOO (extra virgin olive oil) normally priced at 5.67, 1 pound of butter quarters, a dozen eggs, and a 5lb bag of sugar for $1.19. Why? Because I used coupons. I am not so vain or shy that I can't use coupons, and you shouldn't be either. Why not use them if they let you use your real money on other things you need/want. I have no need for butter quarters, EVOO, or a 5lb bag of sugar, but my sister, an extraordinary cook and sometimes baker does, so I gave them to her. Little bits people, here and there, they add up to help one's budget, and in this case, one's happiness in helping.

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FYI - It's World Pasta Day today, hope you all found some gorgeous Fettuccine Alfredo or some Linguine Pesto to nosh on.. I completely forgot until dinnertime had well been over. Thinking I'll make up for it tomorrow :)

Disney, Being 4, The Collegiate, Work

What is it about Disney that makes us 4-7 year old children again when we, as adults, go there with the kids? I don't know, but I don't fight it. Fiona, 4 years old.

To be 4 at Disney World is a magical thing. You aren't the jaded 7 year old who has seen it all, and knows everything. When Belle or Cinderella hugs you, it's A BIG DEAL, DUDE!!!
Pooh Bear, Eeyore, Tigger and Piglet invite you to breakfast? You can't say no to that!

I am a grown up. I am not 4. I cannot honestly tell you that when Aurora hugged me the first time I met her in my 30's, it wasn't a big deal. I cannot honestly tell you I didn't burst into tears like a big baby cause I was so happy. That would be a lie. I'm glad Fee had more composure and maturity to just curtsy at Belle. I am still waiting to meet Prince Phillip and Maleficent. Merriweather as well, she is my fave fairy. HINT HINT, Christopher, if you made that happen, that would be the biggest coup you ever pulled off. That would complete my Disney dream. I have been visiting Walt Disney World since the year it opened, even when we lived in other states, we came to FL to visit family, but we ALWAYS went to Disney World. I went to Disneyland when I lived in CA, but it didn't measure up (even though the castle was Sleeping Beauty's). We now live about 15 minutes away from the front gate of The Magic Kingdom. Once I am back in happy finances, this princess is getting herself an annual pass. You never know when you have baby cousins come to town... someone needs to take them there, why not me?

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Had lunch with this child today... took her white short formal dress up for her sorority induction ceremony later in the month, as well as some hoodies and long sleeve shirts, because "mom, it was freezing up here the other night!" Wanted to take her off campus for lunch, so we went to Panera, laughed a lot, drove, laughed some more, made plans for the holidays, laughed even more. I'm so happy she's doing well, she's involved in intramural sports, her volleyball team is in semi finals, her "sisters" seem to be nice people. She has a clear direction of where she wants to be and how and what it's going to take for her to get there. So much more of a grown up than I was at her age. Shoot, sometimes, she's more grown up than I am now. I was glad to catch up with her and I have a sneaky and great feeling that she was happy to have had some Chellie/Mommi time with me. Oh hey, heads up-Panera has a shortbread cookie that is so deceptively delish, the fat content I cannot begin to think about, but MY GOD, that was a wonderful cookie! That said, since we started back on program I've lost 2.6 pounds, the real weigh in is on Monday, I'll let you know what the outcome is.

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My interview with the cable company went well. I was there from 10 until 3 in the afternoon as I had two interviews and then they sent me for drug testing, that has to be a good sign, right? They said I would hear from them within 7-10 days depending on getting back the drug test and the references etc. There are many other people vying for positions, so I was happy to get as far as I did so soon. Here is praying that I do get this, because it will make Spring Semester so much less stressful for me, as well as maybe getting a start on really paying down debt. I leave you with the wish that you pray for me and mine and I will for you and yours.

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